Don’t know what you want? Ask yourself!

Do you sometimes feel like you don’t know what you want, but if you had enough time and mental space to think about it, you would figure it out? Many of my clients plan to take time off to “think things through” with high hopes that once that time is available, they will finally manage to solve their problems. But they have busy lives, and the “right” moment to take that trip to a cabin in the woods always keeps getting postponed, and so does their much-needed moment of clarity, and important life decisions keep being on hold.

But what if they don’t need to meditate and journal in the middle of nowhere to find answers to their questions? What if they could get the clarity they are longing for right here right now?

The problem is not always lack of clarity but the courage to acknowledge the truth with all its consequences. Don’t believe me? Think about a dilemma you have been contemplating and still don’t know how to proceed. Got it? Great, now try this:

• In your mind, ask yourself: “What do you want?” and listen carefully to your answer. Do not interrupt yourself with “Yes, but…”. Just listen.
• If that doesn’t work for you, imagine a person you trust fully, someone you can be 100% honest with. It can be anyone, alive or dead. Imagine this person asking you: “What do you want?” and in your imagination, listen carefully to your answer to their question.

You have probably noticed that the answer is already there. The real challenge is often to acknowledge your answer without self-judgment and fear. Perhaps these are some statements that start popping up when you are honest with yourself:

• “Yes, but this is impossible.”
• “Yeah, you wish, but this is what you’ve tried already, and it didn’t work out.”
• “Yes, but this is selfish/silly/immature.”
• “Yes, this option sounds better, but what if you regret it later?”
• “If I did this, I would disappoint someone.”

And now we are getting somewhere. Because instead of “not knowing what to do,” you know what to do, but you are now dealing with specific obstacles or fears you can address or challenge. And how you go about them is entirely up to you — and that means you are now in charge.