Six fascinating things I learned about people in six years of working as a coach

As a coach, I have a fascinating job that allows me to immerse myself in countless individuals’ stories and inner worlds. Everyone is unique, and so is their life story, and yet there is so much we all have in common!

In my journey, I’ve unearthed six profound insights about people, their aspirations, and their struggles. Join me as we explore these revelations, each offering a glimpse into the depths of our collective human experience, uncovering some common threads that bind us all, reminding us that we share a universal humanity beneath our unique circumstances and backgrounds.

Number one: Deep down, we all know what we truly want.

Most of my clients work with me because they are stuck and don’t know their next step. Often, they are afraid that there is nothing they would genuinely enjoy, and they will be stuck forever. When I started working as a coach, I sometimes wondered: What if they genuinely don’t know? What if we will never figure out their next step? But over the years, I learned that every person knows, and what’s holding them back from seeing their path are usually fears, old stories, or expectations they have from themselves based on outside pressures. Once they are free from the noise, the fog lifts, and the possibilities open up.

Number two: There is no charge without, well… change.

Don’t we all wish things would improve without our intervention? Unfortunately, this is rarely the case, but the good news is there are steps we can take to change our situation. Making a change is not always comfortable or easy, but no one said it should be. Just like we can’t win the lottery without buying a ticket, creating a new life is impossible without overcoming discomfort, facing our fears, and leaving something behind. But once we start taking the first steps, we are finally taking the steering wheel of our life in our own hands, and, sometimes, for the first time in our lives, we are in charge and have ownership of our life’s story.

Number three: Fear is a part of the deal when living a fulfilling life.

Many people seek coaching because they want to change their lives for the better, but they expect to “discover” a pain-free kind of change they could comfortably start making straight away. Oh, how I wish I could make such a change possible for everyone! But unfortunately, that’s not how life works. If change were always comfortable, you would have already made it. And so would everyone else; people would leave toxic work environments and abusive relationships the moment they realized their current situation is not what they want, and they would happily start their businesses from scratch, apply for their well-paid dream jobs, and chase all their wildest dreams without hesitation. That does not happen, and the sooner we realize it, the sooner we can start working on overcoming our fears and creating a path that enables us to take our first steps toward a meaningful change courageously.

Number four: Ultimately, everyone wants to contribute to a better world.

If I ask my clients what they would want to do if they could do anything with their lives without worrying about money, obstacles, or their fears, most people immediately start talking about meaningful projects impacting the state of our planet or human knowledge or well-being. Still, in one breath, they write their idea off as being too idealistic or naive. Other people reply: “I don’t think I would do anything. Or maybe live on a beach and just enjoy my life.” In both scenarios, once we roll up our sleeves and start digging deeper, we uncover that everyone’s natural instinct is to help solve certain problems or contribute to making the world a better place. What’s usually holding us back is the sense of powerlessness we are brought up with if we follow our Western society’s so-called “traditional path.” We end up believing all we can do with our time is to earn money in a meaningless job because that’s “the only way to make a living,” take care of our family, and let all the other things be sorted by “hippies” and experts — basically, people living worlds apart from our bubble. The thing is, we don’t need to save the whole planet from pollution to make our lives more meaningful. Even contributing to a small part of the solution can give our lives a completely different meaning. Deep down, everyone has their “why” and their own unique way of expressing it in this world. And once it is uncovered and the confidence to make it happen is in place, people start making it real.

Number five: We all have a unique story worth being heard.

Do you think the story of your life is boring or uninspiring because you are too [insert your favorite go-to adjective you use to convince yourself not to take too much space]? I’ve heard it all: too ordinary, too privileged, too shy, too weird, too old! But hear me out: There is always someone else who feels the same way about themselves who would be inspired by your story:

• How did you get where you are despite being “ordinary”? And what’s extraordinary about it?
• You are aware of your privilege. And that’s why you leveraged it to support less privileged people to a certain degree. Tell me about it!

Yes, we can always be more impressive, but are those people considered “impressive” in our society relatable anymore? Share your story, and you will touch someone’s life. Sometimes, I feel if a certain client could hear another client’s story shared a few hours earlier, it would change their life. But I can’t share it for the sake of confidentiality. So please share your stories in the wild! :-)

Number six: This world would be a much better place if everyone felt heard and seen.

Human stupidity is the most dangerous thing in the world. And yet, are people really THAT stupid? I don’t think so anymore. Because there is usually just a little inner child who wants to be seen and heard behind every act of toxic or selfish behavior. To a certain degree, we are all in pain, and if we allowed ourselves and others to express our needs and feelings in a healthy way, there wouldn’t be any need for power just for the sake of it. Call me naive, but I’m getting more convinced about this with every month of giving my clients space to be themselves and share their stories.

To wrap up, my time as a coach has been like a fascinating expedition into understanding how people behave. And what conclusion am I making out of all of this?

First of all, each of us is much more powerful than we think we are, and we know much more than we give ourselves credit for. We can’t always have everything, but we can be in charge and prioritize what truly matters to us.

Secondly, as human beings, we have much more in common than we think. There are some really important things about all of us, things that connect us despite our different life stories. If we can all communicate and understand each other better, we can break down the limits on what we can achieve. As we keep exploring our shared human experiences, let’s remember that we’re more alike than we might think, and by working together, we can make the world a better place for everyone.